Stephen Hammond's
Tip #17 — LOOK AFTER THE RIGHTS OF MEN AS WELL AS WOMEN
Many years ago, I worked for a school board raking rocks for the summer (don't ask) at a good wage. I got the inside scoop on the job through the retired couple from whom I rented a basement suite. Living downstairs from this couple, I quickly discerned that they were pleasant and polite. The husband, whom I'll call "Mr. Russo," was involved in boxing and worked for a maintenance department. Though neither of these are exactly tea-and-crumpet environments, I never, ever heard a swear word from Mr. Russo’s mouth. Regardless of whether his wife was around, Mr. Russo never swore in my presence.
Then one day he came by my workplace to visit with his former colleagues, to shoot the breeze. When he caught up to my foreman we were all in the truck waiting to go out for the day. To my surprise, I discovered an alien had invaded Mr. Russo’s body! Some entity began forcing him to swear: "F" this, “S” that and "C" that.
I learned three things that day. One, Mr. Russo holds the record for the number of swear words one can jam into a short conversation. Two, people can turn things off and on when they want to. And three, men, even today, often interact differently when they are in the company of men. I discovered that in Mr. Russo’s mind, at least, in order to fit in with the other guys, you've got to act like the other guys. Unfortunately for us guys, no one seems to have ever told us we don't need to act that way.
When I first engaged in professional speaking about workplace issues, there were many times I was talking to all, or mostly all, men, and I figured the conversations would mostly entail how male employees treat women. I was surprised to discover a different dynamic. At one particular event involving a roomful of men of all ages, once we got past the textbook learning and started talking about the need to have more respectful conversations with one another, I saw quiet nods from some of the older guys - guys close to retirement. When I followed up with private conversations, I got the sad sense that these guys would have wanted that kind of respect, but no one gave them permission to expect or demand it. They were coming to the end of their careers in a workplace characterized by toxic interactions. Since that session, I enjoy talking to men about creating a more welcoming workplace for everyone; it's a rare but welcome conversation on their part.
Some men consider male-dominated workplaces the greatest. To those individuals, such environments enable them to bond with one another man in a way normally reserved for girlfriends, wives, spouses, sisters or mothers. They're not looking to emulate women; they are looking for more meaningful ways to interact with other men.
SUPERVISORY SUGGESTIONS:
Work towards respect - not breaking into a chorus of Kum Ba Yah. We can't lump all men into any category, just as we can't with all women. That being said, not all men want to swear, even though some seem to think it's required at work. Get men to discuss what is respectful and what isn't and if the conversation is open and honest, you may get honest responses.
Watch the put-downs and insults - that seem to form men's conversations. Many men are brought up being more competitive than many women and hence it comes out in our basic conversations. Little digs and put-downs are common but when they get out of hand, someone needs to call a time out. Don't be afraid to do that.
Don't worry about babysitting - as these are grown men who don't need constant surveillance. You need to be concerned only about behaviour and exchanges likely to cause a problem. There are many men (and women) who can get into heated exchanges about sports, politics or even religion, without causing a lasting stir. Don't ban controversy. Ban insults, over-the-top put-downs, and disrespectful language.
Tip #18 — WATCH OUT FOR MEN AND NICKNAMES
Nicknames are as common in male-dominated workplaces as they are in the schoolyard. In some workplace cultures, such as firefighting, nicknames are the norm and men who don't get a nickname wonder what it will take to get one. Most nicknames are a derivative of the person's name. When I was young, I used to get "green eggs and ham" and when I went to university, sometimes I'd get "hamster." No harm done. Some nicknames are earned by humourous behaviour, such as "trip" for a guy who is known to be clumsy on his feet. Unless this is caused by some disability, most guys with such a nickname laugh it off. Hence, there are plenty of examples where nicknames are considered a form of endearment or camaraderie and they are welcomed.
So where's the harm in nicknames? There doesn’t have to be any harm. However, the harm is when guys use nicknames of characteristics we can't or shouldn't be expected to change. I remember one example years ago when a fellow in a room full of mostly male police officers told me that nicknames he used, including "Dumbo," were terms of endearment that let a fellow know he was one of the guys. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man flinch. I looked his way, only to see a fellow with big ears. The officer who had just spoken suddenly went on the defensive. Digging himself in deeper, he attempted to explain why he'd come up with "Dumbo," and once again, the officer known as Dumbo flinched.
As a silence in the room became noticeable, the large-eared officer spoke up to tell the group he had always hated that name, and said so more than 10 years ago. He added that he didn't understand why people continued to use it.
Though police have the image of being big and tough, able to take anything, this incident let me know there are limits. As I emphasize to employees who are in a “tough” business, if you're getting harangued by outsiders while on the job, such as police, all the more reason to be respectful to one another inside the workplace. But you don’t have to be in a tough business to expect people to treat you well, and if you don’t like a nickname, others should respect that.
SUPERVISORY SUGGESTIONS:
Recognize the nickname dilemma - even if it seems silly. If an employee, especially a rookie, gets an unwelcomed nickname, he can protest, but he knows that's usually a formula for making the name stick until retirement. He knows it's better to say nothing and to hope for a better one to come along, even if the odds aren't great. As a supervisor, recognize this dilemma; don't assume silence means everything is fine.
Talk to the nicknamed - and get his side. If you hear a nickname that makes you cringe, but the guy doesn't say anything, take him aside and ask what he thinks. Tell him this conversation won't go anywhere unless he wants it to. Chances are with that approach, he'll tell you his true feelings about the name.
Don't allow, "If I had to put up with it, so do you." Instead, be a supervisor who says, "Because it was bad for me, I don't want it to be bad for you." Make a difference for those on your shift; they'll reward you with the kind of loyalty and respect money can't buy.
These are TIPS 17 & 18 of 26 BI-WEEKLY TIPS for managers and supervisors.
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