but- i-used-to-say-that
Tools to Fix Your Workplace
45 Free Articles by Stephen Hammond
BUT I USED TO SAY THAT!
You may want to “clean up” your work place because you’ve been told to, or because you’re trying to avoid legal action, or something came to you in the middle of the night saying, “you gotta change that place.” Without putting judgment on any of the reasons, it’s not always easy to tell an employee she better clean up her language or he better stop making comments about women, or they better stop telling jokes about Chinese drivers
It’s even tougher when you know that up until yesterday (or last week) you were guilty of saying the same things. Some people believe that if you’ve ever been part of it, then you’ve lost the right to say anything, ever again. Kind of like, “people who live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw stones.” That’s only true if you’re still sitting in that house made of glass. If you’ve stopped saying those things or have decided to stop saying those things, then you have every right, in fact you have every obligation, to make positive changes.
TRY THIS:
When you talk to the person or persons about changing their language, state up front that you’ve made similar comments in the past. If you’ve been one of the worst offenders, say so right at the beginning. Beat others to the issue you know they’re going to raise in an instant. Explain the reason for the need to change. Be honest. If you realize you don’t want sexist jokes because of how you’d feel if your daughter heard them, then say so and let them know it’s all personal. If you’re concerned about legalities, make sure it’s not about just getting caught, but that legal concerns are valid and we often don’t pay attention until we have to.
How about using these examples or similar language:
“I know I’ve made my share of jokes about ____ (fill in the blank) but it’s 2014 (or 15 or 16) and it’s time we stopped doing that. We should all know better. I certainly have.”
“When the women aren’t around I’ve been known to make remarks that I’d never want my daughter, your daughter, your wife, or your mother to hear. Funny little differences about men and women can be humorous when they’re good natured, but if we wouldn’t say them directly to the person, then I don’t think we should say them at all – or not while at work.” (This holds true if it’s women making hurtful comments about men.)
“I’ve been reluctant to speak up about some of the things we’ve been saying at work, such as _____ because I’ve been just as guilty as anyone – maybe even more so. But if someone like me knows it’s time to make a change, then I feel comfortable to ask the same from you.”
Stephen Hammond, B.A., J.D., CSP
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I'd like to say that I thought the plenary was incredible today. I didn't have much expectations for Stephen Hammond as I had never heard of the guy until you had brought him up in that email, and I've never heard him speak. I thought his talk was incredibly engaging and interesting. The way he combined interaction with real life stories about politicians and business moguls made the talk more relatable and interesting for an engineering student audience. I also like how he gave examples that made us think instead of dwelling on and making us feel incompetent because 'we've done these wrong things too.' I've sat in many class lectures before and I don't think I've ever seen such a large group of students listen intently without fidgeting with iPods, cellphone or laptops. I've made this comparison before, but I really thought the way he presented the information was as inspiring as a TED talk. Great job on finding an effective motivational speaker!
Tiffany Yu,
Electrical Engineering Student, University of Victoria
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